i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
