So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
