Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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