My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
