I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
nutella sex= disaster
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
