Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
