Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
