This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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