I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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