Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
