Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
