So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
