This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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