i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
