Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
