When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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