I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
