Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
accomplished twins. life is a go
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
