is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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