I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize