Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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