you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
