Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
