so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
