I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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