where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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