so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
