saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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