How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
