Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
