I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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