I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
