Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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