It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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