My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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