How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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