Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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