Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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