I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
