We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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