i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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