I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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