God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
