I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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