Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
