did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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