Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
