she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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