WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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