I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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