I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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