I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
