thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Text me some of your sweat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
