I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
