It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
