Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
