She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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