no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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