i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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