tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
