This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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