Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
